Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once?" He feels totally at home in straight culture. He knows there are gay and bisexual identities, but he has no interest in either of those. "That could be what's going on, or he could be a straight guy. that would be painting with too broad a brush," she told Mic over the phone last week. "To say that any man who switches his Tinder profile over to get head from a guy is just covering up his gayness. These are complicated questions. While many of us may be quick to label men like Benjamin as something other than straight, Jane Ward, Not Gay's author and a gender and sexuality studies professor at the University of California, Riverside, argues that heterosexuality is a label that could very well include homosexual contact. What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all? What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual? Just come the fuck out already, I'd always think.īut lately, thanks to a flurry of coverage surrounding a controversial new book titled Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, I've been questioning my initial assumptions. I'd been there, done that (and them) and always ended up resenting them for enjoying the pleasures of gay sex while not owning up to the rest of the gay package. I had already learned by then to avoid getting with closeted guys. He said he'd consider it. A few messages later, he proposed a dick pic exchange.Īs fun as it was to flirt with Benjamin, I wasn't seriously considering hooking up with him. I jokingly told him I'd only S his D if he'd reciprocate. The fact that Benjamin started inquiring about blowjobs so quickly after declaring his absolute straightness was a little jarring, but I went with it anyway. Our match was probably just a result of his "aggressive" swiping tendencies, he added. He dropped the charming line just five minutes after explaining to me that "oops," he wasn't gay, the app must have fucked up and popped me, a male, into his feed by accident. When using a search engine such as Google, Bing or Yahoo check the safe search settings where you can exclude adult content sites from your search results Īsk your internet service provider if they offer additional filters īe responsible, know what your children are doing online.This was the question Benjamin* asked me when I matched with him last summer on Tinder. Use family filters of your operating systems and/or browsers Other steps you can take to protect your children are: More information about the RTA Label and compatible services can be found here. Parental tools that are compatible with the RTA label will block access to this site. We use the "Restricted To Adults" (RTA) website label to better enable parental filtering. Protect your children from adult content and block access to this site by using parental controls. PARENTS, PLEASE BE ADVISED: If you are a parent, it is your responsibility to keep any age-restricted content from being displayed to your children or wards. Furthermore, you represent and warrant that you will not allow any minor access to this site or services. This website should only be accessed if you are at least 18 years old or of legal age to view such material in your local jurisdiction, whichever is greater. You are about to enter a website that contains explicit material (pornography).